Wednesday, August 18, 2010

(copied from a friend's facebook wall)

"No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside."

LOVE this.

pure happiness.

(thanks to Ambie Keen for taking the photo)

Saturday, August 14, 2010

I is done.

With work, that is.

Yesterday was my last day at the esteemed Cheyenne Eye Clinic, and boy was it a rough day. Maybe because it was Friday the 13th, but it was a cluster of a day where Tony and I BOTH didn't get off until almost 6.

Ambie Keen and family arrived after 7, and we were able to enjoy the evening.

I highly doubt I will miss working at the clinic, but some of the people were definitely cool.

My intention now is to not take for granted this time I have with Cody, and to make him and my family proud of me by doing well in school. I know there's a way to balance time with them, school, and the everyday things that need to be done, and I hope to find it.

For now, I'm going to attempt to take it easy (I say attempt because really? what do I know about relaxing?) and enjoy my weekend with my family and the Keen family.

oh, and a shout to my sister, Alicia (even though I doubt she reads this) to say Happy Birthday!

Friday, August 6, 2010

sometimes, I really hate...

Being married. I try SO hard to keep Tony happy, from cleaning the house to taking care of everything I can think of, to letting him do and have pretty much anything he wants. And it's never enough.

You know how they say you can't make someone happy until you make yourself happy? Or something equally ridiculous. Well, I believe that you can't make someone happy until they grow up and realize they aren't just taking care of themselves, they have a wife and child, plus another enroute, to support.

This morning on the way to my doctors appointment he was going off (yet again) about how crappy the Air Force has become, etc., and how no matter what happens come February (when his enlistment is up), he's getting out. With no backup plan, no job, and nothing to fall back on. Nevermind the fact that at that point, he'll have 2 kids and a wife to support. Apparently it's all about him.

So he dropped me off at work (Ambie and her family are in the area and borrowing the other car) and basically spent his day pissed off, to include this afternoon when he picked me up.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of trying, but he won't listen when I try and talk to him. I'm praying that God will help us get situated and that something will work out, but I'm not holding out any hope that he will change. I wish, more than anything, that he would stop taking out his frustrations on us, but I know that's who he is. The problem is, I'm NOT going to sit around forever waiting for him to change. I don't deserve this, neither does Cody, and neither will Sawyer once he gets here. It's not fair. We deserve better.
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