Sunday, August 21, 2011

Gearing Up.

This week is going to be hectic.  I start school tomorrow, Sawyer starts with a new sitter, & I should find out about the job I interviewed for last week.

The whole job thing is stressing me out.  Just when Tony & I decided I was going to go to school to finish, I finally picked something I think will be good for us degree-wise, Boeing calls me for an interview.  There are pros & cons to each thing.  IF I were to get the job at Boeing, we would have money.  Right now we're struggling financially & unless I get financial aid or student loans, we can't afford for me to go to school full time & pay for daycare.

If I don't get the job at Boeing, I will continue with school- assuming we get financial aid & student loans.  This would set us up for the future, but not knowing what exactly is going to happen is super stressful in itself.

I'm actually looking forward to starting school tomorrow- I'm scared of the A&P class & nervous about Biology, but for the first time since I started school, I actually feel like I'm going in with a purpose rather than going for the money from the GI Bill.  I'm actually working towards something & I really think if I put my mind to it, I'll be able to handle it.

Part of me hopes I'll get the job.  Part of me hopes I don't.  I can only hope that no matter what direction I take, I'll be making the right decision for myself & my family.

This morning at church they talked about taking off our masks to become the person God wants us to be.  This is part of the sermon series called 'The Masquerade' & it was the third sermon about it- but today's got me more than the other two & I was crying in my seat.  I'm so afraid that I'm not following Christ with all my heart & I'm not even sure how to do that as it is.  I'm thankful that here in a few weeks I'll be going to the new lifegroup called 'The Foundation,' which is basically like a beginners course or refresher to Christianity.  Since I didn't grow up in the church I have a feeling I'm going to learn a lot.  I'm also excited to continue with the Military Moms Lifegroup, since I love those girls.

This week I'm praying for strength & patience, & a heart open to the word of God as I start a new chapter.  Prayers for my family & the upcoming challenges would be highly appreciated.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Being Cody's Mommy.

Sometimes, it really stinks.  Don't assume I mean this in a bad way.  I love that little man more than just about anything.

But Cody has a MAJOR attachment to his dad.  Tony is everything to Cody.  So when Tony is in the field, I deal with more whining than usual, more meltdowns, & more asking for daddy then normal.

So recently, we've been transitioning to a toddler bed.  We figured if he doesn't sleep in a crib at daycare, then he should be fine to do it at home.  So far, it's gone remarkably well.

The last two nights Tony has put him to bed (because he puts him to bed most of the time when he is here)- and has tucked him in & sang him a song.

So today, since Tony is gone, I'm trying to get Cody down for a nap.  He keeps asking for the "school song," & I have NO idea what song this is.  I text Tony to ask him what song it is that he sings to Cody & he tells me it's one he made up.  So he calls me with the words to the song & I'm already crying because Cody's crying woke up Sawyer after only an hour nap.

So I'm trying to sing this song I don't know to Cody & it's totally not working.  I then start sobbing & lay my head on Cody's pillow, & we both cry for a few minutes.  Finally, he lays his head on the pillow next to me & his crying becomes the occasional whine/hiccup.  I lay there, rubbing his belly & saying "shh" until he finally settles down.  I ask him if he's going to take a nap & he tells me yes.  So I tell him I love him, & he says, "I love you too Mommy." & I walk out the door.

Still crying.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Do you know what today is?!?!

Up until 2 summers ago, I'd never once had the awesomeness, delictibleness, amazingness that is a s'more.  My sweet husband ridiculed me for a very long time about it, then when we moved to Wyoming, we bought some outdoor chairs & a fire pit, & he roasted my very first marshmallow for me.

Once it connected with the chocolate & graham cracker, I tasted utter bliss.  There are few things in life as simple, sweet, & bring back memories of good music, beer, & fire like a s'more.

Here's to National S'more Day!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Cody's First Day.

Today is Cody's first day of daycare.  We made a big deal out of it, & by this morning he was SUPER excited to go to "school."  He didn't even eat breakfast & once we got there, he immediately began blowing raspberries to another kid & wandering around, probably plotting his next terror attack on the unsuspecting daycare providers.

Sawyer had an appointment, so we went & got some Starbucks & drove around for a bit after we dropped Cody off.  I didn't cry.  In fact, I was kind of relieved, because Cody wears me out.  We commented repeatedly on how strange it was without him.

After Sawyer's appointment we ran some errands, then came home.  I went out to buy some groceries then came back.  Shortly after, Tony left & Sawyer went down for a nap.

Then it hit me.

Now, I'm all alone & my Codester isn't here.  He's at daycare, hopefully having a blast.  But usually when Sawyer is asleep, Cody & I are playing downstairs or in the sandbox or cuddling playing on the computer.

So I organized the books in the boys room.  I cleaned the bathroom.  & right now, it's nothing but empty.

It gets easier, right?

Friday, August 5, 2011

maybe it's the drugs...

Or maybe, just maybe, we're getting back on track.

I've been on Zoloft for just over two weeks now.  We took out a personal loan to pay my ticket, so there's no longer a warrant out for my arrest.  We decided that me sticking with school is our best option- so we're in the process of taking out student loans to supplement our non-existent income.  Our second car was totaled from hail damage, & our insurance is paying off the majority of the loan- we have to pay some out of pocket, but not having that entire car payment should help us tremendously.

We found a beater car for $700.  It'll get Tony to & from work, & as far as we can tell, it doesn't need *too much* work.

Cody is starting daycare next week, to give him a little time to adjust before school starts.  They don't have room for Sawyer but I've had a few offers from friends who are willing to watch him.

We should find out in the next few days if Tony is getting the missile job, meaning he'll be home every day.  The schedule is similar to what he has now, but he will only be on base & not two hours away for days at a time.  Fingers crossed!

On a sad note, one of my mom's precious dogs died the other day.  Isabel the Chihuahua, who scared away that big mean boxer when he bit me 11 years ago, was killed by one of my parent's silver labs.  Sarita just grabbed her & snapped her sweet little neck- not the first in the attacks that caused my parents to have to put her down, as well.  So in the span of two days, my parents lost two dogs & I know they are heartbroken about it.  My granny called me yesterday, basically saying "I told you so.", since I had Sawyer laying on the floor right near the labs when we were there in April.  Thankfully, Sarita didn't hurt my babies & if she had, she would have been dead a long time ago.

Tony applied for a few slots overseas.  I know the chances are slim but my fingers are still crossed that he'll get orders & we can get out of here.

My brother-in-law got engaged yesterday.  I'm pretty happy for him- I hope him & Ashley will have a beautiful life together.

Also, in the last two weeks I've been to two concerts: Zac Brown Band (with Sonia Leigh & Blackberry Smoke) & Toby Keith (with Eric Church).  We actually had meet & greet passes to meet Toby Keith but it was during the Eric Church show & both Tony & I were more interested in seeing Eric Church, so we passed up that chance- & IT WAS SO WORTH IT.  I love me some Eric Church, & he put on a FANTASTIC show.

That's it for now, I suppose.  This has already become a novel.  More soon. :)
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