Tuesday, November 30, 2010

how does it happen?

Where things are bumping along nicely and all of a sudden, BAM. There's a million & one things to do and NO time to do them in?

I have to pack for the move. The semester ends in a few weeks so I'm overwhelmed with homework. The boys keep me busy at every possible moment, yet I still have to meet with the realtor for inspections and meet with the mortgage guy. I have to grocery shop with a screaming toddler and a crying infant. I am going to pull my freaking hair out.

Tony, of course, left for the field today to leave me with this massive pile of crap to do. Ladies & gents, I am tired.

And there is no rest in sight.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


Thanksgiving. What a great day to remember all we're thankful for, all we have & will have, and the amazing grace God has given.

The third time was a charm, the house we put an offer on was accepted, so we will be closing on a very cool house on the 17th of December. I have two beautiful sons that mean the absolute world to me. I'm married to a good man who, despite his lack of romance and short temper, works very hard to take care of his family and I love him more than words can say. I have a great family- they drive me crazy but I couldn't ask for more loving people.

Yes, I'd say I'm truly blessed by God and thankful for all he's given me. I do wish we could celebrate today but Tony is coming in from the field and we have no plans. At least we will be together.

I hope all of you have a beautiful day.

Monday, November 22, 2010

end of my rope.

I haven't slept in a month. My sweet newborn cries all the time he's awake, unless he's nursing. He still sleeps more than most newborns should, at least in my opinion. I have an appointment tomorrow at the Children's Hospital in Denver for a swallow study to try and figure out what's wrong with him. I'm worried and I want him to be better.

Cody is the King of temper tantrums and I'm scared that I'm doing a really shitty job raising the two of them. After church yesterday I felt so much better because Pastor Jeff did a sermon about parenting- and I didn't feel so alone with my fears. Then Tony tripped out today and it was just me and the boys all day and I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.

I feel like I can't divide my attention between the two and every other part of my life is crumbling. I haven't done any serious housework since the beginning of October, and I know people think it's not important, but it's important to me. I'm behind on schoolwork, failing my math class, and I'm so exhausted I can't hardly stand it.

I know I'll never be perfect, or the perfect parent, but I want so badly to be a good mother to these boys. I need to learn to listen to God. I need to make time for him, and I feel like I don't know how.

Right now, what I need most is sleep. I'm praying that Sawyer will let me have some tonight.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Boy, have things been crazy. The day after my last post, Sawyer was admitted to the hospital for breathing issues and fluid in his lungs. We spent two days there, not really knowing what was going on. As far as his breathing goes, we still don't know what happened. The fluid was likely from reflux, as they did a GI test in the hospital and we watched it all come right back up. Unfortunately, his spitting up has not improved. We have another doctors appointment tomorrow to follow up, hopefully we'll get to the bottom of it soon.

This past Sunday Tony went back to work. As ready as I was for him to go back, I was NOT prepared to handle two boys by myself for 4 days. On Sunday we didn't even leave the house. Monday we went to a playdate with the girls from my lifegroup, then made a quick trip to the grocery store. We didn't leave again today. It's hard with two!

Cody has been fairly well behaved, but I know he misses Tony dearly. Sawyer has been fussy and there's been a few times where I've just cried. But overall, we're doing okay. Everyone is fed and ok, so I know I must be doing something right.

I've had a hard time with my schoolwork. Not because it's hard (well, my math is)- but because it's impossible to find time with both boys and even harder to concentrate with a newborn who needs constant attention. I have to get it figured out somehow- the end of semester is less than a month away and I need to get decent grades.

I wish there were more time, period. I know finding time with a brand spanking new kid is impossible, but I would love to be able to do my workbook for lifegroup and spend more time with God- because I'm lacking in that area and I desperately need to get my rear in gear. We're going back to church this weekend, I CANNOT wait. I need Element.

The house search hasn't gone well. We've put in offers on two houses, and both have fallen through. Tony decided to go ahead and try again to put in his UAV package, maybe we'll get lucky and it will get approved and we'll head somewhere new.

And on a final note, my parents have offered us an amazing deal: they are going to GIVE us 10 1/2 acres of their land in Texas when Tony retires from the Air Force. And the money I owe them for the down payment on my house in SC? I don't have to pay it back, we can use it to help with building our house there. We are blown away at the generosity and I CANNOT wait to get there and get settled- too bad it's 9 years away!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

two weeks.

Sawyer is two weeks old today. What a precious little man he is! He very rarely cries, but of course it's still early. He's still in that whole sleeping/eating/pooping phase.

I love him so much, it's amazing. I was afraid I wouldn't love him as much as Cody, what an irrational fear. This kid is my world.

I am so very blessed.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


I am overwhelmed with love for these boys. I can't believe how blessed I am.
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