Wednesday, December 29, 2010


Tomorrow is the big day!  I'm pretty excited to get into our house & have a place of our own.  When Tony & I moved in together it was in my townhouse that I bought in South Carolina, & here it's military housing so this is *technically* our first home together.  I'm really looking forward to being able to decorate & make it our own.

I'm a little nervous about how Cody will do in the new house.  I know Sawyer won't know the difference since he's not that old, but I know Cody will probably be a little weirded out by it.  I'm crossing my fingers that he'll adjust quickly & sleep well.

I'm in love with the whole country home decor, so it will be fun to paint the walls & turn it into something we'll love.  I really can't wait! :)

We'll be without Internet for a few days, so this will be my last post until then.

Adios, amigos!

Sunday, December 26, 2010


In my journey to know Jesus for the last year, I've failed to keep up (well, really I've failed to even start) reading the bible.

Yesterday I made a vow to change that. I started with the Gospel of Mark, as it chronicles what Jesus was doing up to his death. I also bought a journal to write down scriptures that jump out at me and also to keep a prayer journal.

I read the majority of Mark last night, and it was awesome. When I went to bed, I felt at peace. I'm thankful to be able to do it, and I really hope I can continue to be motivated.

Tonight I'll finish Mark and then tomorrow I will move on to Matthew. As for today, I have some serious packing to do. We're moving in 4 days to our new house!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve.

What a beautiful moment. Knowing that 2000-some years ago, a child was born that would save us all. It's only this year that I'm starting to understand the awesomeness of it all.

Tony tripped out this morning. He'll be gone through Christmas, so yesterday morning we let Cody demolish all of his gifts. He had a blast ripping through the paper & looking at everything. When he'd open a package that contained clothes, he'd hand them to me & move on. It was so cute & so like a little boy.

Tomorrow, we will be going to the MAF (Missile Alert Facility) to have Christmas dinner with Tony. It's not ideal, but at least we will be together as a family for a few short hours.

Last night at church was beautiful. The band did a version of 'Little Drummer Boy' that blew me away, & I had goosebumps to prove it. Knowing what God did for us and how it changed everything amazes me. To do something so selfless & wonderful tells me that there's good in the world.

Whenever I think about how crappy things can get, I hope that I can learn to reflect & realize that I am so truly blessed, because the Father has given me all I'll ever need.

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope you have a beautiful day & season- and know that Jesus is with you.

Sunday, December 19, 2010


This morning at church, I was SO moved by the word. I heard exactly what I needed to hear and it was a huge kick in the pants to get me moving.

I can't even begin to express how thankful I am to have found Element Church. God, you are SO GOOD!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

don't ask, don't tell.

I'm not even remotely torn on the issue, even though I know what the bible says and I'm trying so hard to follow the path of God.

I'm SO GLAD it was repealed, and I'm so thankful that homosexuals will no longer have to hide their preferences.

I have friends who got out because they weren't able to be themselves, and I think it's so unfair. I'm so glad people will be able to serve their country, regardless of their sexual beliefs.

Even a conservative like me is happy about it.

Friday, December 17, 2010

my boys.

I complain a lot about what a pain in the rear Cody is and how frustrating it is that Sawyer CONSTANTLY wants to be held.

But as I was driving home today from Sawyer's 2 month appointment with the pedi, I realized how much my life has changed in the last 3 years and how amazing it is. Even on hard days, I wouldn't trade my life for anything. Cody & Sawyer are the light of my life. I can't even begin to imagine my life without them and I am SO thankful that God chose to bless me with two boys who are so amazing.

No matter how much Cody misbehaves, no matter how much Sawyer cries, I know that no one will ever love these children more than Tony & I possibly could.

The days of Cody being a baby are long gone, and Sawyer's are already limited- time flies so inexplicably fast and I can't imagine how much more amazing they will become, even though I know it's truly possible through God's great work.

I'm so thankful he chose me to be the mother to them.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

as Sawyer sits in his vibrating chair...

He's got this look on his face. It's turning a little red & for a moment I get nervous, because his weird breathing that we STILL haven't gotten to the bottom of freaks me out.

Then he grunts, and I hear this disgusting noise. And another grunt & noise. Yikes.

Not looking forward to changing THAT diaper.

Happy Saturday!

Monday, December 6, 2010

I have never in my life...

been SO SICK of two dogs. Everytime I turn around I'm having to vacuum the floor, sweep the floor, pick dog hair off toys and furniture, wipe drool off my leg, get Cody out of water & food bowls, yell at one of them for barking, yell at the other for whining and scratching the screen door, etc. I seriously HATE them.

I've already vacuumed & swept twice today. I found a piece of effing dog hair on our deli cheese when I was making Cody a sandwhich for lunch. I hate they way they sit at the foot of Cody's highchair begging for food & how he eats WAY less than he would normally because he likes giving them his food. I hate how we just got our new living room furniture last year and they've already scratched it with their talons.

I hate how Hot Lips comes into our bedroom AT LEAST twice a night wanting to go outside. Like I don't get up often enough with Sawyer in the middle of the night. I hate how they whine constantly when Tony walks outside for 30 seconds.

I would give just about anything to get rid of them right now.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

how does it happen?

Where things are bumping along nicely and all of a sudden, BAM. There's a million & one things to do and NO time to do them in?

I have to pack for the move. The semester ends in a few weeks so I'm overwhelmed with homework. The boys keep me busy at every possible moment, yet I still have to meet with the realtor for inspections and meet with the mortgage guy. I have to grocery shop with a screaming toddler and a crying infant. I am going to pull my freaking hair out.

Tony, of course, left for the field today to leave me with this massive pile of crap to do. Ladies & gents, I am tired.

And there is no rest in sight.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


Thanksgiving. What a great day to remember all we're thankful for, all we have & will have, and the amazing grace God has given.

The third time was a charm, the house we put an offer on was accepted, so we will be closing on a very cool house on the 17th of December. I have two beautiful sons that mean the absolute world to me. I'm married to a good man who, despite his lack of romance and short temper, works very hard to take care of his family and I love him more than words can say. I have a great family- they drive me crazy but I couldn't ask for more loving people.

Yes, I'd say I'm truly blessed by God and thankful for all he's given me. I do wish we could celebrate today but Tony is coming in from the field and we have no plans. At least we will be together.

I hope all of you have a beautiful day.

Monday, November 22, 2010

end of my rope.

I haven't slept in a month. My sweet newborn cries all the time he's awake, unless he's nursing. He still sleeps more than most newborns should, at least in my opinion. I have an appointment tomorrow at the Children's Hospital in Denver for a swallow study to try and figure out what's wrong with him. I'm worried and I want him to be better.

Cody is the King of temper tantrums and I'm scared that I'm doing a really shitty job raising the two of them. After church yesterday I felt so much better because Pastor Jeff did a sermon about parenting- and I didn't feel so alone with my fears. Then Tony tripped out today and it was just me and the boys all day and I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.

I feel like I can't divide my attention between the two and every other part of my life is crumbling. I haven't done any serious housework since the beginning of October, and I know people think it's not important, but it's important to me. I'm behind on schoolwork, failing my math class, and I'm so exhausted I can't hardly stand it.

I know I'll never be perfect, or the perfect parent, but I want so badly to be a good mother to these boys. I need to learn to listen to God. I need to make time for him, and I feel like I don't know how.

Right now, what I need most is sleep. I'm praying that Sawyer will let me have some tonight.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Boy, have things been crazy. The day after my last post, Sawyer was admitted to the hospital for breathing issues and fluid in his lungs. We spent two days there, not really knowing what was going on. As far as his breathing goes, we still don't know what happened. The fluid was likely from reflux, as they did a GI test in the hospital and we watched it all come right back up. Unfortunately, his spitting up has not improved. We have another doctors appointment tomorrow to follow up, hopefully we'll get to the bottom of it soon.

This past Sunday Tony went back to work. As ready as I was for him to go back, I was NOT prepared to handle two boys by myself for 4 days. On Sunday we didn't even leave the house. Monday we went to a playdate with the girls from my lifegroup, then made a quick trip to the grocery store. We didn't leave again today. It's hard with two!

Cody has been fairly well behaved, but I know he misses Tony dearly. Sawyer has been fussy and there's been a few times where I've just cried. But overall, we're doing okay. Everyone is fed and ok, so I know I must be doing something right.

I've had a hard time with my schoolwork. Not because it's hard (well, my math is)- but because it's impossible to find time with both boys and even harder to concentrate with a newborn who needs constant attention. I have to get it figured out somehow- the end of semester is less than a month away and I need to get decent grades.

I wish there were more time, period. I know finding time with a brand spanking new kid is impossible, but I would love to be able to do my workbook for lifegroup and spend more time with God- because I'm lacking in that area and I desperately need to get my rear in gear. We're going back to church this weekend, I CANNOT wait. I need Element.

The house search hasn't gone well. We've put in offers on two houses, and both have fallen through. Tony decided to go ahead and try again to put in his UAV package, maybe we'll get lucky and it will get approved and we'll head somewhere new.

And on a final note, my parents have offered us an amazing deal: they are going to GIVE us 10 1/2 acres of their land in Texas when Tony retires from the Air Force. And the money I owe them for the down payment on my house in SC? I don't have to pay it back, we can use it to help with building our house there. We are blown away at the generosity and I CANNOT wait to get there and get settled- too bad it's 9 years away!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

two weeks.

Sawyer is two weeks old today. What a precious little man he is! He very rarely cries, but of course it's still early. He's still in that whole sleeping/eating/pooping phase.

I love him so much, it's amazing. I was afraid I wouldn't love him as much as Cody, what an irrational fear. This kid is my world.

I am so very blessed.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


I am overwhelmed with love for these boys. I can't believe how blessed I am.

Monday, October 25, 2010

my birth story.

On Wednesday (the 20th) I lost a good chunk of mucous plug and I was bleeding (not heavily, but it was there). That happened around 9am, then around 1pm I started having contractions. They weren't too bad or even close to timeable, just there. I even went and looked at a house with Tony and our realtor.

They started getting a little closer together and more painful, but I still thought it was false labor since they would be like 20 minutes apart then 6 or 7. I tried to go to bed around 1030, but I kept waking up with contractions.

Finally around 12am on Thursday (the 21st) I got up and came to the living room to sit my rear on the recliner and time them on my computer. It was a super long night, they were still pretty unpredictable but getting fairly painful.

At 5am, Tony woke up and called his supervisor to let him know what was going on since he was scheduled to trip out that day. His supervisor was kinda like, "I need to know what's going on, maybe you should go to the hospital". So we decided to go just to find out if there was any progress or anything so we'd know if Tony could go to work (maybe I was in denial but I still thought it was false labor).

We got to the hospital around 6am, Tony dropped me off at the ER and went to take Cody to my friend Rebecca's house. They got me all checked in and sent up to L&D. The resident MD came in to check me, and HOLY SHIT, I was 6cm.

All denial left then, they admitted me, sent me to a labor room, and listened to me cry and moan until they gave me the epidural. :)

Once I got the epidural (probably around 730am), we just hung out, you know how that goes, until around 1000am. The doctor on call from my OB/GYN came in and checked me, said I was pretty much fully dilated and they figured once my water broke (it still hadn't), he would be here. She told me she wanted to wait until he moved down just a little more, but it wouldn't be long.

Around 1030, I was feeling a lot of pressure and told the nurse to get the Dr. She came in around 1040 and they got all set, and manually broke my water. I pushed twice (yes, twice), and baby Sawyer was here!

So he weighed 7lbs, 3.2oz, he was 19 1/2 inches long, and obviously, perfect.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

meet Sawyer.

Sawyer William was born Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 1054am. He was 7lbs, 3.2oz, 19 1/2 inches long, and perfect as could be.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

the end of pregnancy...

is garbage. Mostly because you don't know if you're in labor or not, and every little pain/contraction/gas/etc. makes you wonder. It's SO irritating.

I don't think any guys read this, and if they do, oh well. I've been having some light bleeding and I'm pretty sure I lost part of my mucous plug, and I've had a contraction or two. If this kid is going to come before my induction, it needs to be today, because Tony leaves for the field tomorrow.

I'm not playing, Sawyer. Figure it out little man.

Sunday, October 17, 2010


After some serious dicussion, a lot of prayer, and advice from family/friends, we have decided to stick it out here. We may not love Cheyenne, and we may HATE Tony's job, but we've been feeling like us moving to Baltimore would mean we were running away from our problems. I never pictured myself the type to say this, but I don't want to leave my church, either.

We're starting to have a sense of community. We're starting to make friends and see where it is we can grow as individuals and as a family, and ways we can help those less fortunate.

Our big project now is to move off base. Tony has been feeling like he has no outlet since we live like 300 feet from his work, and I'm super tired of not having a place that feels like home. Like I said, we may not love Cheyenne, but it's not a bad place. I remember I used to tell young kids that had just joined the Navy and hated where they were that every duty station was "what you make it". It's time to listen to my own advice. I'm already enrolled in a good school, Cheyenne is VERY low on the crime scale, it's an awesome place to raise a family, it's beautiful when it's not windy, and there are some really nice houses in our price range. Both Tony and I feel if we had a place to go other than base, we'd probably be a lot happier. And whenever we go out and do things, we have a good time. It just seems more often than not that we end up sitting at home, talking about how much we hate it here. It's high time for us to become proactive and start doing all the things we want to do, like visit Yellowstone and Mount Rushmore. And with a little planning and saving, we can do that.

So, instead of thinking the big risk would be to get out and move to Baltimore, we're starting to think the big risk is staying in the Air Force and dealing with the things we don't like. It's time to get our lives together and stop thinking about running away from our problems.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

I hate not knowing.

Tony took his test today. He said it was really easy, and that he "felt dumb" just by taking it, as in he lost IQ points by doing so. The lady told him they aren't hiring as many people as they initially intended to, and that the hiring process could take up to a year and a half instead of 6 months to a year. I REFUSE to up and move to Baltimore to wait up to a year and a half for him to have a job.

I would give ANYTHING for him to get out of the missile field and stay in the Air Force. I'm not ready to get out, no matter how appealing Baltimore sounds. He doesn't even sound like he wants to be there, anyway.

God, please. Tell us what to do. I'm scared and stressed and I NEED to know what we're supposed to do.

On another note, our worship pastor at my church released his first album, called 'Til the End'. If you're at all interested in Christian Rock, I highly recommend it. Especially the song 'Til the End', it moves me in ways I can't explain.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

alll byy myselffffff.....

So, Tony and Cody left yesterday morning for Baltimore. Tony had a rough day with Cody, through him being tired and jetlagged and in a new place, but it sounds like today is going well.

After I got home from the airport, I cleaned the snot out of Cody's room, top to bottom. I never get the chance to go beyond surface cleaning, so it was nice to do. I also disinfected his toybox and toys. Then I went to Target at 6pm and wandered around.

Today I shampooed the carpets in our room and the baby's room. I've made a little list of things I'd like to do everyday, so I'm not overwhelming myself and still getting some time to relax and do homework. I have plenty of motivation for cleaning, not so much for homework, so I'm going to HAVE to get off my rear this evening and do it.

And that's all. It's been a good couple of days, but I am missing my boys.

Saturday, October 2, 2010


Tony left yesterday to go deer hunting. I was partially irritated that he went the day after he tripped in, but at the same time I know that he's flying (WITH Cody) to Baltimore on Wednesday and I'll have 5 days to myself.

Cody and I are about on each other's last nerve. I can only do so much to entertain him, and of course today is cold so we can't go outside.

I've been so worn out lately and lacking motivation to do anything, I feel like a bad mom because I can't give him the attention and energy I know he needs. I'll be glad when this whole pregnancy/newborn thing is over so we can all play and have fun together.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

If it wasn't obvious before...

It is becoming clearer and clearer that Tony getting out of the Air Force is going to be our best decision.

Yesterday one of his supervisors asked Tony if he would reenlist if he could get Tony over to the Law Enforcement side of the base. Tony told him yes, so his supervisor went to the Senior and spoke to him about it. The Senior said his "hands were tied" and there was nothing they could do.

It amazes me that they don't care about losing an 11 year SSGT. We've tried just about all we can to make it work in the Air Force, and like I've said a million times, I'm scared to lose that cushion, but I KNOW my marriage won't survive if Tony stays in the missile field. There's no way.

And the idea of going to Baltimore is good, but so is staying in. Again, I wish I knew what the right decision was and what the right thing for our family is- but it sure seems like God is telling us to take the risk and leave the military.

Monday, September 27, 2010

I hate money.

I'm trying to get our budget back on track since we fell off the Dave Ramsey wagon. I'm having a hard time because we're trying to save as much as possible for the pending Baltimore move, but it's really hard to save when you don't really make enough to pay bills.

I'm so scared that we're not going to be able to pay our bills in Baltimore and I don't really know how to get any cheaper then we already are. I coupon like crazy, all of Cody and Sawyer's clothes are used, I buy in bulk and *most* of the time we eat at home and don't do anything that special. Of course I know there are places where I could improve. However, for the most part, we live pretty cheaply. I don't know what else to do.

I really hope that we get some answers soon about what our next step should be, and find a way to know what the right decisions are.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Air Force Ball.

Is tonight. I hope I look pretty instead of looking like a beached whale.

Friday, September 17, 2010


At almost 30, I can admit it:

I REALLY miss my mom. Yes, she pisses me off almost every time I talk to her, and the conversation about Baltimore went about as great as I predicted- but she's a good woman and I really, really, REALLY wish she were here to give me a big hug.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


Tony has decided not to interview for the vehicle section job. Honestly, it's not a job he would really enjoy, he only applied for it because it was a Mon-Fri job that would enable him to be home nightly and attend the flight school.

But he had a long talk with his parents yesterday and we've been doing a lot of thinking, and since he was assigned a test date with Baltimore County, we've decided to go for it.

We're both scared to not have that "cushion" of the military, but Tony would be staying National Guard and we'd conveniently have the help of his family since we'd be there with them anyway.

So in about 3 weeks, he's going to fly to Baltimore and test. If it goes well and the rest of the hiring process goes well, it would appear that we are getting out of the military and moving to Baltimore. I'm dreading telling my mother this information. It would be a heck of a lot easier if she just read this stupid blog, but seeing as how I only have a few followers who likely have better things to do than listen to me ramble on and on about this, I can't say I blame her for not reading.

So, fingers crossed that we're able to plan for this the right way and make it happen.

Also, let's hope I don't go into labor while Tony is in Baltimore. Because I will be 37 weeks pregnant. Yikes.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

test date.

So Tony has an interview here on Thursday with the Vehicle Section, a potential Monday-Friday job that he has to do for 2 years if he is chosen.

He also has a test date for the Baltimore County Police Department on October 8.

Decisions, decisions. We're going to see what happens with the Vehicle Section. If they want him, he's going to take the job. If they don't, we'll buy a plane ticket for him to test in Baltimore next month.

Send us prayers and good thoughts, people. Thanks. :)

Monday, September 13, 2010

math makes me cry.

It's horrible.

I can't do any of it. I have NO idea how I'm going to pass this stupid class.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

getting my hopes up.

I hate when I do this. I want so badly for something good to happen for us and both of us are so hopeful that this Baltimore thing might work out. I know it won't be perfect, but now that we've started discussing it, we can't stop talking about it. Tony left for the field today and has been texting me about it all morning. He's so tired of going to the field, and I'm so tired of being alone with Cody for 4 days at a time. We need our family together.

On the same note, I'm scared to death of not being in the military. It's all I've known since I was 13, and not having that cushion scares me- but people do it everyday. The good thing about Baltimore is that we would have family nearby for help.

My parents don't know about this yet, and I have a feeling it won't go over well. They are so rooted in the military, plus us being in Baltimore and not near them will likely upset my mom- but we have to do what is best for our family.

I'm trying so hard not to get too excited. I'd really love something to happen in our favor. Please keep us in your prayers.

Friday, September 10, 2010


In a really short span of time, we've been attempting to make some life-altering decisions.

Currently my husband is in a dead-end job with the Air Force. Yes, he's got a guaranteed retirement check in 9 years. But if his job continues in the direction it is going, our marriage WILL NOT survive. He's miserable. I'm miserable. We both hate Cheyenne, and the luck we've had since moving here.

So somehow he found a piece of news on Baltimore County Police, who has a seemingly good program for Military folk. Last night we did a pros and cons list to us up and moving to Baltimore (assuming they want him to go to Baltimore and take the test). There was almost an equal number but I'm pretty sure both of us are leaning towards it anyway. I'd love to be closer to family (yes, it's Tony's family but it will ALWAYS be one or the other since our parents will never be close to each other geographically). The schools there have better programs for me. There's a whole list of crap but the main reason, honestly, is that our kids will grow up near family.

So Tony applied. Knowing our luck (ha, ha), they won't even consider him and we'll be stuck here anyway. But, if the off chance it happens that they want him to go to Baltimore and test, we're going to risk it. We only have 4 months to figure out what we're going to do, so unfortunately, time is NOT on our side.

There's so much to take in and do with it, but we have to do something. I'm really hoping God will show me the way, ASAP.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I'm over it.

And by 'it', I mean everything. Today was super crappy, following a series of super crappy days that make me wonder when things are going to look up.

I spent the better part of 3 days cleaning house and getting things prepared for Tony to come home, and the next day the house is trashed. He's always miserable and pissy because he hates his job and he's selfish and doesn't seem to realize how good he's truly got it.

Cody is fussy for what seems like no apparent reason, I'm sure there is one, but this age/phase he's going through of crying, throwing temper tantrums, hitting, and in general being a pain in the rear are wearing on me.

I had a doctor's appointment this morning, everything looked good. Then I went straight to the grocery store, went home, dropped off groceries, left for class, then after class I took a math exam (I only got a 75%, which added to the crap).

Then I come home and Tony's pissy. What else is new? He had to go into work for a night shoot thing on the range, which I would think wouldn't be that big of a deal, but of course he was all pissed about it.

I'm over the complaining. I'm over the whining. I'm over feeling like I never get a moment's peace. I'm over being all excited to see my husband after four days to him coming home and bitching for four days. I'm over this pregnancy, and scared to death on top of it.

I have no idea how I'm going to manage what I seem to have trouble with now, when there are two kids. I love this baby so very much, but I don't know how I'm going to handle him and Cody.

I just want to be proud of myself. I want my husband to be a little less selfish, and I want to do a good job raising my kids. Is that too much to ask?

First we had the truck issue. Then my computer. Then, most recently, the air conditioner goes out in the house in South Carolina. Then, I realize that I accidentally made two truck payments and I don't have the money in our account to cover both payments, plus the other two payments that had yet to come out.

Basically, everything sucks. I know whatever is going on is God's plan, but I could really use a break.


Sunday, September 5, 2010

what is He asking you to do?

To my Christian friends,

What is God asking you to do that you've been putting off because you think you need more time to pray about it or more power from Him? Chances are, he's already told you to "Go", because you don't need anything more than him behind you.

So get on it.

(and have a great day!)

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Sinfully good.

You know that scene in 'Never Been Kissed' where Drew Barrymore is high and she's like, "Oh my God, someone ate my entire pie"!

That is me currently. Only the pie is a half loaf of Asiago Cheese Bread from the Farmers Market this morning. And I'm not even close to being high.

But what could be more delicious than this:

Few things, I tell you.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

it's been a hot minute!

our truck died, and fluke of all flukes, it was the computer system which was not covered by our warranty. So, $1500 later, we got it back. And then my computer got a nasty virus. Thankfully, that didn't take very much money to fix, but things have been a little hectic.

Tony took leave so he's been home for like 12 days, which leaves even less time. Cody is saying "pease" now, which is the absolute CUTEST thing ever. I need to get it on video.

Anyway, I just wanted to let all three of my followers know what's going on, I will have lots of time this weekend to update and come up with something interesting and witty to talk about.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

(copied from a friend's facebook wall)

"No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside."

LOVE this.

pure happiness.

(thanks to Ambie Keen for taking the photo)

Saturday, August 14, 2010

I is done.

With work, that is.

Yesterday was my last day at the esteemed Cheyenne Eye Clinic, and boy was it a rough day. Maybe because it was Friday the 13th, but it was a cluster of a day where Tony and I BOTH didn't get off until almost 6.

Ambie Keen and family arrived after 7, and we were able to enjoy the evening.

I highly doubt I will miss working at the clinic, but some of the people were definitely cool.

My intention now is to not take for granted this time I have with Cody, and to make him and my family proud of me by doing well in school. I know there's a way to balance time with them, school, and the everyday things that need to be done, and I hope to find it.

For now, I'm going to attempt to take it easy (I say attempt because really? what do I know about relaxing?) and enjoy my weekend with my family and the Keen family.

oh, and a shout to my sister, Alicia (even though I doubt she reads this) to say Happy Birthday!

Friday, August 6, 2010

sometimes, I really hate...

Being married. I try SO hard to keep Tony happy, from cleaning the house to taking care of everything I can think of, to letting him do and have pretty much anything he wants. And it's never enough.

You know how they say you can't make someone happy until you make yourself happy? Or something equally ridiculous. Well, I believe that you can't make someone happy until they grow up and realize they aren't just taking care of themselves, they have a wife and child, plus another enroute, to support.

This morning on the way to my doctors appointment he was going off (yet again) about how crappy the Air Force has become, etc., and how no matter what happens come February (when his enlistment is up), he's getting out. With no backup plan, no job, and nothing to fall back on. Nevermind the fact that at that point, he'll have 2 kids and a wife to support. Apparently it's all about him.

So he dropped me off at work (Ambie and her family are in the area and borrowing the other car) and basically spent his day pissed off, to include this afternoon when he picked me up.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of trying, but he won't listen when I try and talk to him. I'm praying that God will help us get situated and that something will work out, but I'm not holding out any hope that he will change. I wish, more than anything, that he would stop taking out his frustrations on us, but I know that's who he is. The problem is, I'm NOT going to sit around forever waiting for him to change. I don't deserve this, neither does Cody, and neither will Sawyer once he gets here. It's not fair. We deserve better.

Thursday, July 29, 2010


TONIGHT! I'm so exited. We're going to see Dierks Bentley & Miranda Lambert. I haven't seen either of them before and I'm SO SO excited. I adore both of them.

Plus, corn dogs and funnel cakes. Does it get better? I think so! Cody is with Marissa, our teenage sitter, so it's a REAL date night for Tony and I!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

insert clever title here.

Church this morning rocked.

They finished this sermon series called "The Frayed" which was all about prayer. I learned SO much today.

It comes as no surprise that my heart is lacking God. I've spent years blowing it off and acting all high and mighty when in reality I knew (and still know) nothing about God. It's a learning process and I wish I knew more. I know I haven't made God a priority. Starting today, that changes.

The big question for today was "What should my prayer life look like?". I know mine is a mess. I spend about two minutes at night praying and I've never done it the right way.

This was what Pastor Jeff said:
1. Time. We have to MAKE time for God.
2. Place. There has to be a place where you can go and be with God. 9 times out of 10, it's not going to work if you're laying in bed.
3. Order. You have to create an order in which you do prayer so it becomes a habit.
4. Openness. If you do all of the above, your heart will be open to God. You will pray at random times in addition to your set aside time, simply because your heart is bursting with the love you have and the closeness in your relationship with God.

How freaking mind blowing! I've spent all this time coming up with excuses about how I'm no good at prayer and I don't know how to do it right, turns out I just wasn't making time to DO it.

Starting tomorrow (I'd say now and that there's no time like the present, but I want to do this the right way), I'm setting aside 10 minutes in the morning. 10 minutes is nothing. Eventually I hope to spend more time with God, but it's all about baby steps.

God is good.

Thursday, July 22, 2010


my mother.

I love her more than anything, but she has always been terrible at keeping in touch. If you're alive and she sees you posting on facebook, she's happy.

What bothers me is that my ILs manage to Skype with us and play peek-a-boo with the Codester like once a week. They are JUST as busy as my mom.

I hate that she can't find the time to see her grandson.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

three rings of death.

Tony's XBox.

This is no bueno. Not that I give a dang about video games and thankfully, he's not the type to sit around playing video games all day, but I'm not happy about the three rings of death.

Why? Chances are, it is no longer under warranty. And we could *technically* afford to buy another, but I sure don't want to. I'd rather spend that extra $300 on debt.


Monday, July 19, 2010

sweet validation.

When I got home from work today, Tony said this: "I have no idea how you find time to clean". I told him I do it when Cody is sleeping or eating, because when he's awake we play. So he says, "but then when do you get Me time"? I was like, "I haven't had Me time in over a year"... and he told me I'm doing it wrong.

The reason this pleases me is because with him being home with Cody lately and me working, he FINALLY sees all I do. I cook, clean, and take care of our finances and Cody.

Yes, I am Supermom. And my husband is starting to get it.

Oh, and Cody fell asleep sitting in Tony's lap today. He's never done that with me and I'm super jealous.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

God is Good.

Tony went to church with me again this morning. I don't know why he goes, but I am SO thankful the last two times. Maybe he knows how much it means to me, and maybe somewhere deep down he feels like he needs God. I'm so new at this whole religion thing, but I know how much I need it and it makes my heart so happy when he goes with me.

On the way home he said he learned a lot and that he enjoyed it. I love hearing that and I hope he'll continue to go with me when he isn't in the field.

I'm really glad he took leave this tour, if anything so we could have a little time together. He's finally painting the dresser we bought for Cody right now, too, so we'll be able to get his room finished soon.

I don't always understand the way God works, but I know I'm blessed. I can only hope that I will learn more and grow as a person through him. And I pray that he will continue to take care of Tony and help him with the things he needs.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

I'm still proud. featured my birth story from when I had Cody, and I wanted to link it for posterity's sake, since I NEVER go on the bump anymore.

Friday, July 16, 2010


My shirt at work today.

According to my supervisor, I am not allowed to wear "t-shirts". I was NOT wearing a big, sloppy t-shirt you would wear around the house. I was wearing a regular, fitted shirt that I still don't think is a t-shirt.

What amazes me is that I've worn that shirt probably once a week to work for the last three months. And as of today, it was not allowed. Ridiculous.

I swear they people at that clinic act like we're treating the President instead of a bunch of old people on Medicare. These doctors act like they are something pretty damn special, and I get that they have a degree and all, but seriously?

Then I had to go to the pharmacy on base to get my vitamins refilled. My "yellow card" was expired, which is this card they require you to have that goes along with your ID card. So they made me fill out this ridiculous form before I could get my refill. And the pharmacy student that gave me my stuff was a total moron, asking me what MY last four were, then when I told him, he told me that was wrong, so I had to explain to him that he needed my sponsor's last four, not mine. Then he asked my sponsor's birthday instead of mine. Insane. I HATE being a dependent sometimes. I really miss the Navy today.:(

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

old school.

great movie.

but in this case, I'm talking about me. Starting school full time in the fall. I'm planning on getting my degree in education.

Thanks to my hard-earned GI Bill, the VA pays me to go to school. So I'll be able to stay home with the boys and go to school. I know I'll have a lot on my plate, but at least I'll be able to see my kids and not shell out God knows how much in daycare.

I have so much more I'd like to say, but now isn't the time. More later.

Sunday, July 11, 2010


I'm wondering if the nesting phase came early to the Trionfo house. Yesterday I cleaned and disinfected all of Cody's toys (to include the toy box), shampooed the carpet in the bedrooms and hallway (living room is today after church), cleaned the kitchen, set up Sawyer's bedding and emptied his room, and did some laundry.

It felt really good to get it done, and I love looking down the hallway at clean carpet. I'm definitely looking forward to having a clean living room too.

Hopefully I can get everything else done today so that tomorrow after work I can just relax before Tony comes home on Tuesday. I'm also going to get registered for school today so I can start getting ready to quit my damn job, woo-hoo!

Saturday, July 10, 2010


this morning I am sitting in the recliner, drinking a cup of coffee while Cody sleeps in. Him sleeping in is so rare I'm doing my best to enjoy it.

I have a ton of housework to do, and I just realized that Ambie will be here in less than a month, meaning not only do I have to get this house ready, I also need to buy a cheap bedroom set so they have a place to sleep.

So today Cody and I are going to venture down to Fort Collins to Babies R Us for a few things for Sawyer's room, then come home to shampoo carpets. I know it doesn't sound very exciting, but I'm looking forward to it anyway.

Happy Saturday, all!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Valdosta, Georgia.

So my darling husband has put in another attempt to get us out of Cheyenne. There is a special duty lying in the heart of the Southeast, at Moody AFB in Valdosta, Georgia. We swore we wouldn't go back to the South, but at this point, we're desperate. This job would keep Tony away from home a lot, but that's nothing new to us anyway.

It would also put me 4 hours from South Carolina, where one of my three BFF's lives, and 12(ish) hours from Baltimore, near Tony's parents. There are a lot of upsides to this potential move, but it is in God's hands.

With any luck, either his UAV package or this one will work out. We desperately need to go somewhere, do something, anything, to get away from where we are now.

Fingers crossed!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


We have none.

Since we moved to Wyoming, there has been nothing but garbage. Tony hates his job, mine is nothing spectacular, we pay too much for childcare, we live in a crappy house, and everything Tony has applied for has been denied.

He's trying so hard to get this UAV job, and I'm trying not to get my hopes up, because the chances of it happening are fairly slim at this point. I just wish one thing would go our way. Just one.

I'm so frustrated right now.

Sunday, July 4, 2010


GOD BLESS THE USA!!!! Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you...JESUS CHRIST and the AMERICAN SOLDIER. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.


Today in church we started a new series called "The Frayed". The series is all about prayer. The average Christian spends something like 3-7 minutes a day praying, including mealtimes. It's not enough. I'm a big believer in the power of prayer, but I rarely pray like I want to or like I should. That's something I am determined to work on. Also, they sang Bon Jovi's 'Livin on a Prayer' as the first song today, which, might I add (and forgive the French), is BADASS. I love that place.

With that, I'm off to celebrate our freedom by thanking my husband, neighbors, my family and friends, and, let's face it, myself, for our sacrifices as military members and spouses. Hot dogs and hamburgers, here I come!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

a hard lesson.

I'm not normally too anal about who watches Cody. I've had a few sitters I knew weren't a good fit, so I found someone else. There's one girl who has watched him a few times, and while she seems like a nice person, I just don't feel a connection with her. One day she wasn't available, so she had a friend of hers watch Cody. I ADORE the woman who watched him that time, and of course it's my luck that she's moving next week. Anyway, she kinda told me that the woman who had watched him wasn't really that great.

She's a nice person, but this morning was the last straw. When I got there, she told me that her and her kids weren't feeling well. I was pretty frustrated, because, really? Why couldn't she have called me last night so I could make other arrangements? Of course, seeing how it was 8:00 am, I had no choice but to leave Cody there.

There's more to it, but I really don't feel like going in to all the details. Long story short, I learned more about her that proved to me she is not a good fit as a sitter for Cody. So I called another sitter who has been highly recommended to me about a million times by the other woman, and she is watching the Codester next Thursday. I'm looking forward to it since I've heard so many good things about her. Fingers crossed that she will be a good fit.

I'm so over the daycare/babysitter situation. I want so badly to be with my little man.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

double-edged sword.

oh, how I miss the days of being home with Cody! I swear, when I am able to be home with him again, I will do everything I can to NOT take it for granted like I did. The whole time I was home with him I wanted to be working and be out with adults.

Now, it breaks my heart to drop him off at the sitter everytime, even though I know he's in good hands. I miss so much during the day and he's learned things I could never teach him, but no one will ever love that kid like I do.

I can only pray that Tony will get the UAV job so he'll get a bonus and we can afford to pay off some debt. I will stay home with the boys either way, because I refuse to spend my life paying someone else to raise our children.

I just wish there was a way to make it happen now, so I could be there for my little man and spend some time with him. I love him so much.

Monday, June 28, 2010

caring too much.

This morning started out wonderfully. Sawyer is healthy and growing like he should, the ultrasound was great and the appointment was quick and easy.

Then my sitter sends Cody home in a pair of sandals that no longer fit either of her boys. JUST YESTERDAY, I told Tony that I thought Cody's sandals were getting too small. So she puts him in these sandals and tells Tony that his feet were practically hanging out of his little shoes, which makes me feel like World's crappiest mom. I don't know why, but there you have it. I'm way too sensitive over stupid things.

Anyway, my kiddos are healthy and that's all that matters, right? Today I am going to start reading the book 'The Love Dare' which is a Christian devotional on strengthening your marriage. I'm looking forward to it, if anything to learn more about things I can do to improve us.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

a productive day.

Today we spent the day doing things around the house, cleaning out our spare room to create a nursery, grocery shopping, and lots of laundry. We were also able to get out for a bit and enjoy the sun, Cody got to play in his pool. He had an awesome time and all in all, I'd say it was a good day.

Tomorrow morning I have a doctor's appointment to check on baby Sawyer, we have an ultrasound too. I'm pretty excited even though I just had one like last week. :)

Saturday, June 26, 2010

let's try this again.

I slacked so much on my old blog, got really sick of it, and had a few followers I didn't feel should be following, so I thought it was time to try again. I'm going to do my absolute best to keep up with this, in the meantime, I'm Brandis. My husband is Tony, my son is Cody, we have another son on the way I'm pretty sure we're naming Sawyer. My dogs are bassets named Radar and Hot Lips, and we live in Wyoming. For the moment.

More to follow.
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