Thursday, May 10, 2012

Good mom or Bad mom?

What makes someone a good parent?  Is it the ability to consistently be patient?  Is it a mother who is able to stay at home with her children, have unlimited patience, creating all kinds of cool crafts?  Is it a mother who sees her kids in the afternoons & weekends because she works all day to pay bills to keep them fed?  Is a bad mother a mom who gets upset easily when her three year old won't listen so she yells?  We all know a bad mom is a mother who neglects her children- but where do you draw the line on good parents vs. bad parents?

I'm having a "bad mom" day.  Whether or not I'm a good mother is something only God knows.  I know that I love my kids more than anything.  I know that a lot of times I lose my patience when Cody doesn't listen or Sawyer continually does something naughty because he thinks its funny.  I know sometimes I yell.  Loudly.  I know sometimes I scare my kids when I get so frustrated that I yell at them or even occasionally spank them.

I know that I judge people unnecessarily over their parenting choices.  I know that in public, I do all I can to get my kids to listen or act like I'm not embarrassed when one of them throws a temper tantrum or runs away from me.

I know that I've tried everything I can think of to try to get them to listen.  I've been consistent.  I've set limits.  We have a solid routine that we are convinced helps them be happier kids.  I'm not saying we don't stray from it occasionally or that it's wrong to not have a routine.  But it works for us & it seems to work for them.  We've tried time outs, yelling, spanking, taking toys away, ignoring, positive reinforcement, you name it.  I have a hard time figuring out what is "right" & what is "wrong" & more often than not, I feel like I'm doing it wrong.  More often than not, I feel like the worst mother in the world & I feel like my kids will spend thousands upon thousands on therapy when they're older because we screwed them up irrevocably.

I know that my kids are well clothed, well fed, have the proper medical care & treatment, & are bathed frequently.  They do not go without hugs or kisses or praise & they certainly are not lacking in entertainment.  & although we are pitifully broke, we still manage to provide them with all they need.


Is anyone doing it right?

This parenting gig is tough.

I know that Cody's whining sounds like nails on a chalkboard & I know that when the two of them hit each other or fight over a toy, it's all I can do to not walk out the door sometimes.

I know that I lose it with them then I get mad when Tony does the same.  I know the both of us barely stay afloat in this sea of crap where the boys are learning & so are we & perhaps, the boys are smarter than us & maybe that's why we screw up so much.

Either way, it's certainly not what I thought it would be.  It's impossible, scary, frustrating, beautiful, & worth every minute, no matter how bad of a mom I am today.

1 comment:

  1. Bran~ I feel the same exact way ALL the time. My kids NEVER listen to me and push me to the edge almost everyday! I yell to and I hate it but you can only ask nicely and patiently oh 3-5 times before I go absolutely nuts! I get so stressed out and angry. I love my kids more than anything in the world and I too have the same questions you do. I long for bedtime and the few hrs of peace and quite. Maybe I need to pray more an ask God to help? How knows? Anyway I just wanted you to know that you are not alone! I love you hun


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