Tuesday, May 1, 2012

back to the drawing board?

Last night Tony asked me the last time I'd blogged.  I told him I couldn't even remember & we had a long talk about a lot of things potentially going on in our lives.

While we've got a million things going on, I'm still feeling rather stagnant.  Now that I'm back in the Reserves I'm going to be applying for full-time support, but until I complete my first drill weekend I'm unable to do so.  I'm working at Starbucks, which I enjoy, but the hours I'm given don't even come close to being enough financially.  School is ending this week & since my degree plan fell through, I really don't have much to look forward to.

I've always envied those people who've known since childhood what they want to be when they grow up.  I still have NO idea & it's almost embarrassing to admit that I've been going to school  for 3 years now & I still don't have an Associates Degree.  To make matters worse, I have NO motivation since the degree I was pursuing didn't work out, so I'm basically floating through my classes without much effort.  I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is.

We should be finding out soon if Tony is approved for retraining.  If he is, we'll have some big things happening but we don't know when.  We may transfer, we may not.  I'm trying to take each day as it comes but honestly, I'm really just overwhelmed & frustrated, & not sure what direction to take.

The boys are amazing.  Cody is stubborn, strong willed, & a total pain in the neck, to put it mildly.  He turned 3 last week & I'm having a hard time finding a middle ground with him.  I don't want to break him down by being too strict but I don't want to be a total pushover either.  It's very, very, very hard, this parenting thing.  Sawyer is a crazy little man who is very, very cool.  For the most part he's pretty laid back, but now that he's getting older he really just wants to do what his brother does & neither of them is old enough to understand the other & the way in which things work.  So there's a good amount of toy stealing, hitting, pushing, head butting, but also a lot of hand holding & hugs & kisses.  I'd venture to say as they get older they'll be the best of friends, plotting against Tony & I.

I guess I just wanted to check in.  I know I should do this more regularly, as it makes me feel better to get my thoughts on paper (err... computer).  So maybe I'll give it more of an effort this time, since school is ending & I'm taking a break.

See you on the flip side.

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