Tony left for the field today & more recently, Cody is noticing more & more when his daddy isn't here. So when a car drives by, he'll run to the window & say "daddy". I have to tell him, "no, daddy is at work". He usually gets over it pretty quickly, but tonight when I put him to bed he fought it. He was laying in bed crying for Tony & it absolutely breaks my heart. I don't know how military wives who have husbands deployed handle it. It hurts me so much, & Tony is only gone for 3 nights at a time.
Most of the time when Tony is gone, we go & do something the first day so it's less noticeable. But my lifegroup was cancelled today & I didn't get much sleep last night, so we had a lazy day at home. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing a good job since lunch today was mac & cheese & dinner was a frozen pizza. Usually I put more effort in to it, but I just couldn't bust out Supermom today. It's 7:41 pm & I can't wait to go to bed. It's days like this where I question my ability as a mom, but I KNOW in the end I'm doing a good job. I'm far from perfect, but I love my boys & I know how much they need me.
I told Tony last night the ONLY good thing about him being gone is that I can go to bed early & not feel guilty. Tonight will be one of those nights.