Kristie.

It's been one month since my beautiful sister-in-law was killed in a tragic bus accident. If you haven't heard about it or don't know the story, read about it here, here, & here.

If you want to donate to my awesome nephew's scholarship fund you can do so here.

I've been wondering, praying, & debating if I should even post about her because I'm not sure my pitiful excuse for "writing" will do her justice.

The first time I met Kristie, I liked her.  Those of you who really know me know that I don't really like people, haha.  I was drawn to Tony's family from the first instant I met them, especially when they welcomed me with open arms almost immediately after he broke up with his ex-fiance.

I said when I was in Baltimore for Kristie's funeral that there probably wasn't a single person out in the world that had a bad thing to say about her.  I can name at least ten people, right now, that don't like me.  Kristie was different.

Kristie shined.  She lit up a room with a stunning personality & beauty & wit to match.  She didn't drink yet she was always the life of the party.  She made people feel at home & always knew the right thing to say to just about anyone.

She gave willingly of herself & the first time I met her, she was quick to tell me that she could see a difference in her brother since he'd started dating me.  Considering Tony & I were together about .2 seconds before he moved in & we got engaged, I laughed it off.  When his mom told me the same thing, I listened.

Something about the Trionfo family drew me in.  They are a force to be reckoned with, a gang of sorts that sticks together through thick & thin.  Kristie was a huge part of the puzzle that is the family.  She would make you laugh or say something so outrageous you weren't sure whether or not to laugh or be offended or what, then you'd realize that she probably never offended anyone.

She was the kind of person we all look up to- you know, the one who knows what she wants to do then goes after it 110% & makes it happen.  She wasn't floundering around at 32 not knowing what to do with her life (like someone else we know, cough cough).  She mentored students in the form of a Lacrosse coach that has since affected the Lacrosse community like nothing I've ever seen.

I'd never even heard of Lacrosse until I met Tony.  I know that sounds ridiculous to a lot of people, but in Arizona, at least during my childhood, it wasn't something anyone played.  From what I understand it's all over the place now.

I've been writing this post for a few days.  Today, another tragedy has hit our country.  It doesn't hit as close to home for me as Kristie's accident, but it certainly leaves me to wonder about the state of our country & where things are headed.  There was a bombing at the Boston Marathon & people have been killed & injured & it's just awful.

Where is this world going?  When I wrote about doing things & having passion & looking foolish (here) those were just words.  Of course I meant them.  Of course I believe them.  Of course I WANT to be passionate & truly DO things.  But in the grand scheme of things I want to be like those people running.  I want to be like Kristie.  Doing the things that I love & having no fear of where that will lead me.

Our world is a scary place.  If we don't love & live like there's no tomorrow we'll just end up hurting ourselves & wishing we'd done more.

I'm still so sad about Kristie & Jackson.  Kristie was such a force & so full of life.  I'm so upset that she was killed.  My faith in our Lord has been shaken & now I see what happened in Boston & it shakes me even more.

I can't freaking understand WHY these things happen.  I can't stop thinking about something my mother-in-law said while I was in Baltimore last month- "Man, God must think we're really strong to take two from us."  How is it possible that this amazing woman had just lost her daughter & grandson & she STILL has faith in God?  I've been so upset & so frustrated with him for months- not just since Kristie was killed.  I don't know how/when I'm going to get that trust back.  I'm trying, I really am.

I just want life to even out.  I feel like the last few months have been ridiculous.  Kristie's sister-in-law on the other side posted on facebook today that if Kristie were here, she'd already be doing something to help the people in Boston.  I agree.  I hope more than anything that people stand up.

The problem with standing up is that this is what happens every time, EVERY TIME there's a tragedy.  Something hideous & awful happens in our country & people band together & talk about how much they love America then it all fades away like dust & no one gives a damn until something awful happens again.

Let's maybe get our crap together & band together a little more.  Let's love people ALL THE TIME instead of when something shitty happens or when it benefits us.

Damnit, I want my sister-in-law back & those innocent people in Boston, too.  I want to have my faith back.  I want to feel like there is good in the world.  Realistically, I KNOW there is.  I know there are people who give a damn all the time & I know they work hard to make this world a better place.

"My faith is dead, I need a resurrection, somehow."