& if I'm being honest, there were SO MANY CUTE BOYS. My school was on an Air Force base, but they managed to have every branch of the military on this base, & my school alone was Navy, Air Force, & Army.
So, instead of leading him on or being a crappy girl, I broke his heart. I did it over the phone since I was in Texas & he in Colorado. I was on a pay phone outside my barracks room in the hallway, telling him that I just wasn't ready.
I felt like shit. He was so torn & dejected. Not only did he lose his planned career in the Navy, but now he'd lost the girl he loved. I'd like to say that I had a lot of guilt over it & waited a long time before moving on, but I didn't. It's only in the last 7 or 8 years that I have REAL remorse over how I went about it. He was truly a good man (still is) & I'm thankful to know that he's happily married now with a handful of adorable kids.
But back to the cute boys. While in the "A" school- the three months I was there I dated one boy, but I had a special fleeting moment with an Army boy. I'll tell the story of the boy I dated in another post, as it sets up a story for Tony & I, EIGHT years later.
He was so cute. He had pretty eyes & nice forearms (I've always had a weird thing for forearms, haha). He was in my friend Brandy's class, which meant he was about a month behind me in school. We were both the picture of innocence, & I have no doubt that we acted a lot tougher than we actually were.
I think I was a big jerk in school. I wanted attention & if I didn't get it from one boy, I'd move on to the next. I acted like I was so special when in reality I was a scared little fish in a big 'ol sea. The Navy opened doors & things I'd never ever imagined.
I don't remember a lot of our conversations, but I do remember Brandy telling me that he really liked me. I couldn't understand why he didn't pursue me even though I knew he liked me, after all, I was cool, right? With my bad eyebrows & cigarettes, spouting off about how great the Dave Matthews Band was...
We ended up on a bench outside of the barracks one night & we kissed. It was a really good kiss. Again, I don't remember a lot of our conversations, but I'll NEVER forget that kiss. Even now, if I meet someone with his name, I smile. We became friends on facebook awhile back & every time he likes my status or a picture or something ridiculous, I smile. I dated someone in Japan with the same first name with a few striking similarities & I still wonder if that was coincidence or not.
Years & years later, he told me that I was officially his first "successful" kiss & that he'd compared kisses to mine for a long time after that. I was very flattered. He also told me that he wrote a poem about me but never got the nerve to give it to me.
I asked him why he didn't pursue me or try to make a relationship out of our brief moment & he told me it was because of his low self esteem. I found it really unfortunate because I'm fairly certain I liked (even still do) him better than the other boy that I dated. True story.
It's probably a good thing he didn't. I was a brat who thought I was entitled to everything. I acted like a ridiculous little girl instead of a woman, I cussed like you wouldn't believe & never showed anyone the way I REALLY was for fear of being laughed at. He probably wouldn't have liked me very much if I'd have shown him my true self. I ended up transferring to England & all those years ago, I was fickle & my mind changed a lot. I broke a number of hearts for years after but I got mine broke more often than not.
It's nice to think about what might have been though, & I'll never forget our special kiss on that bench.
(& I still wish I could read that poem...)