Wednesday, April 3, 2013

memory lane.

I've met A LOT of people in my life.  Us military people know that we're all over the place & we'll meet hordes of people & half of them we'll never see again or think of & we'll randomly become facebook friends with people we barely knew just because we were stationed together.

Once in awhile, you meet people who touch you.  You meet people you think about more often than you're sure they think of you.  You meet people you have one special fleeting moment with & that's it.  You meet people who surprise you, years later.  You meet people who matter.

I've had the fortunate luck of making some pretty fantastic friends.  I don't talk to half of them near as often as I'd like- truthfully there's a few out there that probably don't even consider me a friend anymore but I'll never think of them in any other way.

I've had a few relationships.  Most were utter failures, some were sweet, all were lessons.  I'm thankful for all of them (save one or two) for the things I've learned.

It's interesting to me the things you learn from people.  I've spent the last two days venturing down memory lane in more ways than one.  I've been stuck on the Lithium channel on Sirius/XM for days (it's 90's alternative/grunge for those of you who don't know).  It brings back all sorts of memories from junior high up until my first year in the Navy.

Then, out of the blue, I reconnected with an old friend from my (very) early Navy days.  We chatted for a long time & truly, it was good for my soul.  Part of our conversation didn't hurt my ego, either. :)

In light of what happened to my beautiful sister-in-law (which I'm gathering the nerve to write about... eventually) I want to be more open with people.  The truth is, you never know.  People come & go & half the time you don't say the things you want to say for fear of what they'll think or how they'll react.  You choose not to say anything because you're scared you'll be hurt or turned down or look foolish.  But if we're always afraid to look foolish we'll never DO anything worth being foolish over, will we?

Love.  Friendship.  Beauty.  Music.  LIFE.  The things that matter are most often the things we ignore, planning on another day or another time or looking for a better way to say something as simple as "I love you. I think you're awesome.  I think you're special."  WHATEVER.

Why are we so afraid to be open with each other?  Why don't we ever stop to think, "I might not see this person again?"

I hope, hope, hope all of my family & friends know, really KNOW how important they are to me.  I hope that I can make the time to tell each & every one of you.  I hope that I can find what it is I have a passion for & pursue it, so that when I go- whether it happens tomorrow or years from now- that people can say I LIVED for something.  Not just that I lived.  That I had a passion, an unbreakable passion, to DO something.

Most of what I do, day in & day out, is trivial shit that most people don't think twice about.  But I'm taking care of my family.  Taking care of those I love & really, I should take pride in that.  I should.  Because I work hard.  I might not be out curing diseases or saving the world or doing something BIG- but now's not my time.

My time is coming.  One day, it'll be all about me & I'll chase the dreams I'm afraid to chase.  I'll do it.

In the meantime, I'll continue to (sporadically) write here.  Until I get the balls to write that book. ;)

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